Part 9 Words of Intimacy

Part 9 Words of Intimacy

Tuesday was a better day considering I didn't have to go into work. My plan was to catch up on sleep but my thoughts kept wondering about things. One thing, well one person, who continued to reoccur. Amber. When it came to Rollins' past relationships and sexual experiences, I flat out told him I didn't want to know. After meeting Amber, for some reason I believe I really wanted to know everything. I heard Sylver come into the apartment and thought I would run it by her.

"Sylver, can I ask you something?" I sat down on the couch across from her.

"Do I need to get my therapist hat on or my best friend hat?" She sat up straight after taking her shoes off.

I took a deep breath and responded, "A little bit of both. I am thinking about asking Rollins about his sexual past. Remember, when I told you about Amber? Well its keep popping back up in my head. Also I kind of wonder how he is able to go without for so long with no problem. We don't even talk about sex."

"Wow. Wow. That is a huge can of worms to open. Once you open it, you may regret it. But I can tell you one thing he is definitely spanking his monkey." She laughed almost hysterically. “Ok. My turn. I have something to tell you about how I got home.”

“I’m listening.”

“Well, Josh gave me a ride home since Sterling has my car.” My mouth dropped open as she continued. “He actually came into the store to get me. On his lunch break. He wouldn’t let me ride the bus.”

“Girl, you know Rollins hate me riding the bus.” I added.

“Long story short, we are back together with some conditions.”

“Yes. What are they?” I basically squealed with enjoyment.

She took a deep breath. “I can’t go clubbing like I used to and I have to dress more modestly. Kinda like you.  But the bonus is he said that I will finally get served properly.  Macy, let me tell you it has been too long. “

"Oh my! I am sorry I asked. But congratulations. I hope you find what you are looking for and more.  I am going to take a nap." I walked away as she continued to laugh.

Later that night, as usual, Rollins called but I really did not feel like talking. I was trying to figure out what to do.

"Hey Ms. Macy. How was your day off?"

"It was ok. And yours?"

"Um what’s on your mind? Is everything ok baby? You sound kind of down." His tone changed to concern.

I took a deep breath. "I'm good. How was your day?"

"Wow, so we are lying now. Well let me try and guess what's bothering you. I know it is not your period. That was last week. It couldn't be work, you were off today. I don't think I did anything. I have been really good." I couldn't help but to laugh. "That sounds a little better. Do you need to talk about something? You know I will listen."

"Well, actually there is something but I would rather do it face to face."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"No! No! Of course not. Baby, you know I love you. Could you come get me?" I said nervously.

Rollins responded nervously, "Of...course. You know you do not have to ask. Let me change my clothes and I will be there in an hour."

"Ok great." I hung up the phone and walked into Sylver's room. “I decided to go ahead and ask him. He is picking me up soon."

She was polishing her nails. "Ok well don't say I didn't warn you. The stuff he may say I could handle but I am not sure your virgin ears can handle it. But good luck and have fun. I am going to bed."

I walked out of the room and went to pack my work clothes for tomorrow. I was getting nervous about what he could and would say when I ask him. Maybe he won't answer the question because of the fuss I made before. I kept saying I did not want to know because it was his past. I sat there just contemplating. I laid back on the bed and just fell deep in thought.

"Are you ready?"

His voice startled me back into reality. I grabbed my chest as my heart started racing. I sat up and stared at him "You scared the crap out of me!"

He laughed, "Sorry. Didn't mean to. Aunt Jemima let me in. You ready?" He bent over and kissed my forehead.

I stood up and grabbed my bag, which he took from me. I told Sylver bye and followed him out the door. We got in the car in silence. We drove off.

I finally broke the silence and asked, "Have you ate dinner yet because I haven't and I am kind of hungry?"

"Well I will get you whatever you want but I don't think I can eat until I know what is weighing on your mind that couldn't be said over the phone. And then you are spending the night at my house on a work night. If you are breaking up with me I couldn't take it. We can work whatever it is out."

"Whoa Rollins. Calm down before we have an accident. For the last time, I am not breaking up with you. Why would I go to your house if I was going to break up with you? Let's stop at Taco Bell and get some nachos for both of us." He just nodded and continued to drive.

We got to his place and ate at the dining room table. He barely touched his nachos but just stared at me.

"Ok, Rollins. I see you are not going to eat. So I will tell what’s been on my mind." I took a deep breath. "First I will like to say don't get at mad at me but...”

He stood up and interrupted me, "Hold on, I feel as if I may need a beer or two." He went to the refrigerator and came back with two Miller Lites. "Ok please began."

"Well, I unknowingly lied to you long time ago. I said I did not want to know about your past relationships. But seeing Amber made me curious about a lot of things. Who have you been with? How many girls have you been with? I want to know everything even...how you are dealing with not having sex considering your past?"

He jumped up with his beer in his hand. "Oh hell no." He walked into the living room and started pacing. "Macy I don't think we should go there. I don't think you want to hear the truth."

I watched him go back and forth. "Yes I do. Please sit and tell me. I'm ready to know. How old were you when you lost your virginity?"

He knocked back the first beer and put it on the table. As he grabbed the second beer, he exhaled. “I was sixteen; it was after prom with a girl named Rachel. Do you really want to know this?" I nodded. "Ok, come seat on the couch with me. I will tell you everything you want to know. But remember this is my past. Before you.

"Ok honestly. I have been with 28 females in my lifetime. Once I had sex with Rachel, I was addicted. Then when I realized it was different with other girls, it was an obsession. I always practiced safe sex. In fact, I have never had sex without a condom.  I don't think there is anything I haven't done with a woman. When I was 22, while in college, I had a scare. A girl said she was pregnant by me. I was in an extreme panic. I wasn't ready to be a father. My first instinct was to say it wasn't mine but I trusted this girl. She wasn't the type to sleep around.

"When she was around three months pregnant, she was in a car accident and had a miscarriage. This turned my world upside down. I slowed down a whole lot and focused on my school work and getting a job. Once I started working for Symphony Records and money was rolling in, girls were coming after me. When I would travel for a concert, they would see me walk and talk with an artist. They thought I was either an easy way to get to the artist or just a meal ticket. That's when I had my first threesome.

"I still had my female friends that use to come by my apartment. When I got my big raise, I knew it was time to step up my game. That is when I bought the condo. My mother came over and gave me something to think about when it came to females at my house. What she said made sense so I started only going to their places or apartments. Mainly we would just meet at hotels. About Amber and Sheena. I met them at a record release parties at different times but later found out they were friends.

"Now it was hard to go cold turkey from sex when I met you. I knew you were something different.  So I did and do what comes natural and masturbated. I actually have a subscription to Playboy magazine and a couple porn websites. Is there anything else you wanted know?"

I sat there and swallowed everything he told me. I was grossed out by it all. My boyfriend was once a hoe. I wanted to go home. I couldn't speak. I had to respect the fact that he was being honest and that this was his past. I think the biggest chunk of disappointment came from the porn. Something about him looking at beautiful women to satisfy himself, just made my stomach feel twisted.

I stood up and said, "Let me process this. I am going to bed." I walked passed his drained face and went upstairs to the guest bedroom. I took a shower and tried to grasp how I felt about it all. I put on my pajamas that was in the drawer and climbed in the bed. I heard him knock on the door, I did not respond. Just rolled over and went to sleep.

In the morning, we walked around each other in silence. In the car, silence. I still didn't know how I felt other than grossed out. Something about porn just seemed like cheating. We pulled up at my job and I climbed out slowly.

"Bye."

Sadly, he said, "Bye," and drove off.